So a safe way to avoid your fear of rejection is to not get too close to anyone. One of the reasons gay men don’t move towards what they want is they fear being rejected by another man. To develop more confidence, it’s critical that you embark on personal development, which may include therapy, personal development courses, group work and reading self-help books.ĭeveloping genuine and enriching relationships with others is also an important part of increasing your confidence.Ī lack of confidence is often closely related to a fear of rejection. There are a whole number of reasons why you might lack confidence, which include your experience of growing up gay in a straight world, internalised homophobia, shame or lack of support when coming out. This is often an indicator that you lack confidence. Perhaps you’ve seen someone you like, or you know someone you would like to developer a deeper relationship with, but you hold back, making excuses for why they wouldn’t be into you. And this really shows up when I see guys that are smitten with another guy, but are too scared to do anything about it. Many gay men lack the confidence to go after what they want. Make sure you’re developing deeper relationships with other men – even if they are only platonic friendships because this is the first step to developing a deep, loving relationship with another man. But the two are actually quite different. However, if you get stuck in this stage of lots of casual sex, you can start to believe that sex equals emotional closeness and intimacy.
#WHY AM I GAY WITH MAN PLUS#
Plus it’s never been easier to meet other guys for casual sex than now with gay hook-up apps like Grindr, Scruff and Tinder. The desire to have a lot of sex can be a way of ‘catching up’ and a natural part of the gay coming out process. As a gay man, you probably came out after your heterosexual friends were running sexually rampant. It’s no secret that many gay men treat anonymous casual sex as a recreational sport or hobby.īeing highly sexually active or promiscuous is often a response to coming out – often called delayed gay adolescence.
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You’re not moving beyond transactional sex LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy can also help address your fear of intimacy and reduce your blocks to closeness with other men.Ģ. And along with that is the risk you may be hurt.
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To overcome your fear of intimacy, ultimately you have to take emotional risks with other men.
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A common way to respond to these experiences is to cut yourself off from getting too close to anyone to protect yourself from being hurt.įear of emotional closeness makes it difficult for you to develop a connection deeper than a superficial or sexual relationship. It’s possible as a gay man you have a painful history that may include discrimination, homophobia, bullying or rejection. A fear of intimacy is often about not wanting to be in a vulnerable position where you could be hurt by another. Many gay men fear emotional closeness or intimacy with another man. While there can be many reasons why this might be so, I’ve boiled this down to some common themes I’ve seen in my own therapy practice. Which begs the question, if so many gay men are great ‘catches’, what’s getting in the way of them finding a long-term relationship?
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Now, I’m not saying every gay man has all these characteristics, but many of the ones I’ve met in my clinical practice have at least a few of these and many more than a few. You see, many of the gay men I’ve worked with are charming, well-educated, kind, caring, motivated in their careers, take care of their health, have networks of friends, are outgoing and gregarious, have a good sense of humour, and generally enjoy life and people. After working for more than a decade as a gay therapist with hundreds of single gay men who are desperate for a relationship, I have often caught myself wondering ‘why is this man single?’